This has been one of the most difficult projects for me because I was way out of my comfort zone. I like making proper beginnings but I do not like sharing things that are private. It has been a rocky few years and I haven’t shared much with anyone so making this video was definitely a challenge. I didn’t know what to say and how much to say… how can you really sum up years of grievances, issues, bouts of depression, anxiety, self hatred, low self confidence and lots of hurt, into a 10 to 20 minutes video?
I still tried, I wrote down the gist because even after deciding to open up, I couldn’t actually share my personal life so overview it was going to be.
I shot the video over a month ago but kept cutting out bits and pieces from it because it seemed to me that I was giving a lot away. I almost cut off half of it, I decided to add clips and leave the editing to that. I wanted it to be as raw as I could keep it, as real and as close to my heart as I could bear to, as much as I wanted to make a proper start and update you guys, making myself uncomfortable and anxious over a video wasn’t worth it.
I decided to upload the video and put it on private. That has stopped me from uploading my other videos. Something clicked in my mind yesterday that made me go, “Why am I not uploading it? I should do it for me and people who support me.”
Then something happened in the late evening that just steeled my resolve to post it. So right now I am uploading it before I lose my nerve. I am going to see my friend off at the airport, (he is going to the United States of America for further studies) right now I am at his place with my other friends on their way here and when this video goes live I will be among people who already know about the video. So, not much anxiousness to deal with, smart right? 😛 😛
Even though I am still a bit uncomfortable with putting the video up because people who know me are sure to ask a ton of questions, that I won’t be answering anyway. I can be a bit more open here because only people who understand me, mostly all strangers, read my blog.
I would like you guys to watch the video and tell me if I have revealed too much about my personal life. Click on the picture to watch the video. ❤ ❤