I am a great fan of thinking before bed. You know, the usual – make your bed, check your alarm, check mails, shut down social networking sites, fill up the water bottle; keep the alarm, water bottle, cellphone next to you, read if you want, adjust the air conditioning, turn the lights off, get under the blanket, say your prayers and think. JUST THINK !! Either with your eyes open or close, doesn’t matter.
Well it actually does. In my case it indicates what I am thinking, it indicates if my mind is at rest or not. When the day has been smooth, nothing eventful has happened then I smile while thinking about the peaceful day. Eyes closed and a smile. As a result of being guilt free I am not afraid of the dark instead it feels flattering. The world seems a better place, I don’t hate being here anymore. My head feels light and I feel like I am among the stars. Beautiful and shining. A clear and innocent conscience has nothing to fear about.
If something negative happens in the day, whether it’s my fault or not, I feel guilty for letting myself in such situation.If someone bitches about someone in front of me and I don’t defend the person, if I know the truth but choose to keep mum in order to not interfere, if I know someone is misleading someone yet I don’t stop them then It’s my conscience that punishes me. When I am all set to analyze my day, I cannot keep my eyes close. My eyes are wide open and I keep staring in space with a frown instead of a smile.
The guilt eats my sleep away, it kills that peaceful feeling I die for. How ironic that is!
Practically, all of this is none of my business, it’s the other people’s choices but being a good person, I am bound to help others without them asking and then make a fool of myself and then again feel guilty for not keeping my promise to myself of playing blind, deaf and mute to the evilness around me. But then again, my conscience is selfish, it would rather put me in trouble than see someone else suffering. But rarely anyone appreciates my efforts.
My conscience is downright stupid!! If it was a person, it would be the dumbest of all. Whether I suffer or someone else, it’s my conscience that feels the guilt. As if every bad thing that happens in the world is somehow my fault.
I was raised to always follow the good path, no matter how difficult it is, no matter if I am alone on that path, no matter if I am torn, what matters is that I pick up my pieces and keep following my heart. I’ve to push myself every time I stop, no one else is going to do that for me. That’s when my conscience comes into picture. The highest court of justice in the universe is our conscience. If your conscience is guilt free and you can sleep a continuous deep sleep. Then my friend, you ain’t doing anything wrong. Congratulations !!
There’s a funny thing about our guilt. Whether we hurt ourselves or others, it sets to work of making our life a hell. I think our conscience doesn’t know that we hurt someone for their own good. It emphasis on the word HURT and ignores others and then the guilt soldiers set to action.
Whenever you don’t know what your guilt it about. Take a deep breath, relax, close your eyes slowly, question yourself. Question yourself until you hear two voices arguing inside your head. Let them talk, don’t interfere, don’t take sides and don’t try to shut them off. Just keep listening. You will be stunned to see maturity in your thoughts and the stupidity too. After this mental exercise, you are sure to get the reason behind your guilt or something that is related.
If you accept your mistake and think of ways to set it right then you are on the right path of having a clear conscience but if you don’t accept what you have done and brush it off then it is more likely to haunt you life long. When others hurt us, it is easier to forget but when we hurt someone… God brace our memory! … our conscience is never going to let us forget it. We will be the prisoner of our guilt. To have freedom is to have a clear conscience.
In some circumstances you need to talk to someone who will completely understand you and not judge you. That someone is YOU ! You know yourself well, you know the reason behind your choices, you know the motivation of your decisions then why not listen to your inner voice. Good or bad, the voice is yours. Trust it and follow it. It will surely do wonders. Because your conscience is like a personalized version to the meaning of good and bad.
My advice – Our conscience seems to be the voice of our soul. Our gut feeling, our instinct. Never ignore these signals. Even if there is a itsy-bitsy hint of something fishy, just withdraw yourself from that situation. It might save you from some bigger mishap. 🙂